2015 was a tough year for our family with losing my Mom in October and then caring for my Dad both in Colorado and then bringing him back to Maryland with us in early November. He stayed with us for 6 weeks and then stayed at Tasha's house in Frederick, MD. It was nice that he was still close and was under hospice care the entire time since he had terminal cancer and there were no more treatment optiond available. Physically he was doing pretty well while he was with us in Hagerstown but emotionally he was so very sad and distraught without my Mom. When he got to Frederick, his body began to physically shut down and everyday he seemed to get weaker and weaker. We all spent New Years Day together at our house in Hagerstown and just the two steps leading up to our house from the garage were very taxing on him. We began to talk to him about maybe having him stay here in Maryland and even set up an appointment to visit an Assisted Living Facility near our house. We just didn't think that he would be able to go back to Colorado and live on his own as he got weaker and weaker. Just three days later, I went back down to Frederick to visit him and he could hardly get out of bed. We realized that day that things were declining far quicker than any of us could anticipated and that we needed to get my sisters Lara and Tami out here as soon as possible. He had a catheter put in on Monday afternoon so he no longer needed to get out of bed which was a great relief for all of us. He also stopped eating anything that day, but was still very thirsty and enjoyed lots of fluids. I spend a lot of time by his side and helping him in any way that I could. I went back to Hagerstown that night and we had a conference call with all my sisters and agreed that Lara would be driving out the next day from North Carolina and Tami would be flying out from Colorado on Wednesday.
This is what I put on Facebook the next day as I knew we were losing my Dad...
“When you die, that does not mean that you lose to cancer. You beat cancer by how you live, why you live and in the manner in which you live. So, live. Live. Fight like hell. And when you get too tired to fight then lay down and rest and let somebody else fight for you.” -- Scott Stuart.
Oh how my heart ached. I wasn't ready to lose another parent so soon. I headed back down to Frederick on Tuesday morning and my Dad looked so much better than the day before. Getting a good nights rest helped a lot since he didn't have to use his strength to get to the bathroom all night. A hospital bed was delivered that day and he really enjoyed the freedom of being able to raise and lower himself with just a touch of a button. Tasha and I even began to think that maybe we had made a mistake in having everyone come out so soon because he was doing so well. I also brought him a TV so he could watch a rerun of the Bronco game from the previous Sunday. When I left him that day, he was in good spirits and wearing his Broncos shirt that I had given him from Christmas. Things were looking up!
On Wednesday morning I got a call that Dad was in a lot of pain and after several rounds of morphine they were finally able to control it. At this point, he would be on a constant morphine regiment in order to control the pain. I remember him asking the hospice nurse if he was dying, and she kindly told him that he was. He had a look of fear on his face and tears began to stream down his cheeks, but from that moment on, he seemed to be so calm about everything, like he was accepting his fate and that his time to leave this mortal existence was almost here. He was so kind to all of us and to all of his hospice nurses who just adored him. He would thank us all again and again for our help. I really didn't need to be thanked. It was just such a privilege for me to be of some small service to him as we helped to prepare him for the life to come. I picked up my sister Tami from the airport later that day and we were all together that afternoon. At this point my Dad was very sleepy from the constant morphine doses that he was receiving, but he was aware that we were all there and we enjoyed this special time together.
On Thursday I headed back down to Frederick and my Dad was no longer able to drink anything and the hospice nurses told us that drinking was now a choking hazard due to his weakened state. We took turns putting liquids on a sponge and wiping his mouth when it would get dry. His vitals still looked good though and he seemed very comfortable as he slept most of the day. I went in to say goodbye to him before heading back home and he told me "I love you." I didn't know it then, but that would be the last time that I would see my Dad alive on this earth.
Around 9:20 p.m. I received a call from my sister Lara and I knew before even picking it up that he was gone. It happened very quickly. Tami and Lara were in the room with him when his breathing suddenly changed and his face grimaced. Tami immediately got Tasha who was upstairs and within just 2-3 minutes he took his last breath and his pulse slowly faded away. I drove to Frederick as fast as I could and we all surrounded my loving, wonderful father for the last time. The hospice nurse came back to declare his official death and to clean him all up and dress him in his final clothing. I will forever be grateful for the hospice care he received in both Colorado and Maryland. They were wonderful in helping us all to manage things during the difficult time.
By my dad's request, there was to be no formal memorial service. He decided several months ago to provide one final act of service after his death by donating his body to medical research. A few hours after his passing, they came to pick him up. They laid an American flag across his body as they wheeled him out to honor the service that he had offered our country as a United States Marine. We will receive his cremated remains in 6-9 months.
The next day, I wrote the following notice on Facebook...
"12 weeks to the day after losing my mom, my dad passed away quickly and peacefully from this life last night surrounded by love and his daughters. I can only imagine the joy of their reunion right now and can picture my mom's outstretched arms enveloping my dad and telling him "Welcome home soldier, welcome home." He was the best dad a daughter could wish for and taught me so much about fighting the good fight and enduring to the very end. It has been a blessing to be with him during these last few months and I will forever be grateful to have spent the last four days by his side as he made the transition back to his heavenly home. His last words he said to me were uttered just hours before he passed. They were "I love you." I love you too Dad, always and forever."
Just 8 days after his passing, my parents would have celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary. On January 15th, 1966 my wonderful parents were married for time and all eternity in the Oakland California LDS Temple. January 15, 2016 marked the 50th anniversary of their union. After my Mom's sudden passing in October, my sisters and I all had big plans to celebrate this day with my Dad before he headed back to Colorado, but he decided that he would rather celebrate it with the love of his life and joined her just 8 days ago. Oh how I wish they could be here in person to mark this momentous occasion, but I can only imagine the amazing celebration happening in heaven today. Thank you Mom and Dad for showing me that sometimes when two people promise forever they really do mean it. Happy 50th Anniversary Mom and Dad....love you forever and always!!
Losing both of my parents within just a few months of each other has left me reeling. It is the hardest thing I have ever gone through. I miss them both so very much and look forward to being with them again. I know that families are forever and this precious knowledge is that only thing that has helped me get through this difficult time.
1 comment:
Oh your sweet parents! Such amazing people that I am so happy to know!
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